


Why wouldn't you tell me?

by Bee453



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Depression, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-lawsuit, Soulmate-Identifying Marks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 06:28:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29327811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bee453/pseuds/Bee453
Summary: Soulmate AU. Eddie and buck are soulmates (some kind of tattoo or mark indicating it) and after the tsunami and lawsuit they are on a break (how things are in the show) buck goes through a depressive episode and gets put on meds that only maddie knows about until she asks if he took his meds when he looks a little sad at the christmas party while watching all the families gather and split up into their own little groups and hes not sure hes invited to eddie and chris’, eddie overhears and fluff and conversations about keeping it hidden from his soulmate ensue.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 2
Kudos: 317





	Why wouldn't you tell me?

It was hard to believe that two months ago he was really happy. Two months ago he felt on top of the world. He had Eddie, his soulmate that he found by a fluke, having always kept his soul mark hidden from view. He used to have a best friend and Christopher. Now after the tsunami, which he still blames himself for, and the lawsuit, he has hardly seen Christoper, and hardly talks to Eddie outside of work. Eddie had told him he was forgiven but it still felt like everyone was walking on eggshells, waiting for him to mess up again.

Bobby was finally cleared from his radiation exposure as healthy and that was a weight off his shoulders. The man was more like a father to him than his actual father was. Buck had been seeing a therapist since before he returned to active duty. Maddie was the only one he could trust with all that information. Buck’s therapist had given him a prescription during the whole lawsuit debacle for an antidepressant. He had been taking it and he was feeling better, but lately it seemed to be slowing him down. When he was on shift he was feeling sluggish and tired. So he was skipping doses lately. Especially on Christmas Eve when he was being allowed to make gingerbread houses with Chris and Denny. 

Hen and Eddie were sitting at the table in Eddie’s dining room while Buck was helping Denny and Chris with their gingerbread houses. Christopher was pretty subdued which was really dragging Buck’s mood down with him. 

“Bucky?” 

“Yeah, Buddy?” 

“Can I spend Christmas with you this year?” 

Buck froze and glanced at Eddie who clenched his jaw and shook his head. “I.. I’m sorry, Buddy, I’m going to be on shift. With your Dad.” 

“Stupid work.” Chris mumbled. 

Buck’s face fell. He quickly excused himself once all that was left was the decorating part. Eddie handed him a cup of coffee as he sat at the table. 

“Is it just me or does Christmas really suck this year?” 

Hen nodded and Eddie avoided looking at him. 

“Come on, Denny, Mom is waiting for us.” Hen said once the boys had helped clean up. 

“Bucky, are you staying the night?” Chris asked. 

Buck’s eyes flashed to Eddie who was just standing watching the interaction. Buck couldn’t read him. “Uh.. Not tonight, Buddy. I have to go back home. I left my work stuff and I had plans with a friend tonight.” 

Eddie scoffed. “What friend?” 

“Josh.. and Maddie.” 

“Chris, why don’t you go get changed and we can watch some movies?” 

Chris said goodbye to Hen and Denny. 

“You stay put.” Eddie pointed at Buck as he walked Hen and Denny to the door. 

Hen winked at him and followed. Buck stood frozen trying to figure out what he did wrong. Eddie has always been the more Dominant one in the relationship and Buck wasn’t willing to test him by trying to leave when he clearly had something to say. Eddie finally returned and crossed his arms as he stared Buck down. 

“So… I forgive you and you continue to pull away from me and now you are going to go “hang out” with another Gay man.” 

“It’s not like that. Josh is just a friend.” 

“Good. Cause that’s MY name on your wrist. Not HIS.” 

“Eddie, I’m not interested in anyone else. I’m… Just trying to give people space.” 

“Buck…” 

“No. It’s fine. I have to go.” 

Buck ignored Eddie trying to stop him and pretty much booked it out to his jeep. He made his way home. Buck lied about his plans for the night, he wasn’t meeting with Maddie or Josh, he was going home. On his way home he made a plan to try to make everyone’s Christmas a little better, even though they were working. He called Maddie, Athena, and Aubela, before texting Karen to call him when she was away from Hen. Once everyone was in on the plan, Buck took a shower before going to bed without dinner. 

Buck’s alarm went off early in the morning and he begrudgingly dragged himself out of bed. He quickly fixed his hair into a gelled style so his curls were gone. He dressed in jeans and a sweater and pulled socks and sneakers on. He was leaving early but on Christmas traffic in LA can be worse. He made sure he had everything he needed and left his apartment.  
After an Hour of sitting in traffic he finally pulled into the station parking lot. He inwardly sighed as he noticed Eddie’s truck already in the parking lot. Eddie being early could only mean he wanted to try to talk before shift. Buck parked his Jeep next to Eddie’s truck and leaned his head back closing his eyes. He was startled by a knock on his driver’s side window. He jumped, hitting his head on the ceiling, his elbow against the steering wheel, and his knee against the underside of the steering column. He climbed out of the vehicle scowling at Hen who was laughing at him.

“Yeah, yeah, Laugh it up. I will get you back.” 

“I’m sorry, but that was hilarious. What’s got you so spooked, Buck?”

Buck blushed. “Nothing. I just thought I was alone, then I thought you were Eddie.” 

“What’s going on with you two? I thought you guys talked things out?” 

“Yeah, We did.. I mean I thought we did. He doesn’t touch me anymore. Like we used to hug all the time, I used to hang out with him and Chris every night we had off together. Now I spend most nights in an empty apartment. He said he forgave me but it doesn’t really feel that way.” 

“What did he want last night?” 

“Uh.. First he claimed I was pulling away and hanging out with another gay man and I told him it wasn’t like that and he said good and made sure to remind me that it’s his name on my wrist and not Josh’s. Like I don’t see it every day.” 

“You have been covering it again.” 

“I’ve been covering it since he basically attacked me in the grocery store. At first I didn’t think he’d want the reminder. Then every time I see it…. My stomach turns and I just want it to vanish.” 

“Woah, Buck. You don’t want to be soulmates anymore?” 

“No. I do. I was so excited when it came out he had my name. But…. I don’t know. After everything that went down between us, the mark just brings back the feeling of how alone and unwanted I always am.” 

“Buck, no.” 

“It’s fine, Hen. I gotta change. Gonna be late.” With that he left Hen standing in the parking lot and took off for the locker rooms. 

He managed to get changed and into the kitchen with Bobby before catching sight of Eddie who was conversing with Hen and Chimney. 

“You okay kid?” 

Buck snapped his head back to Bobby. “Yeah. Yeah I’m fine.” 

“You S-” 

The bell rang cutting Bobby off. Buck quickly made his way to his gear and suited up before climbing into the rig. He took the driver’s seat to avoid Eddie, Hen, and Chim. Everyone worked flawlessly at the scene and Buck knew by the time they returned Athena and Everyone else would be at the station waiting. This time Bobby made him sit in the back with everyone. Buck stared out the window and kept his headset off the whole time.

When the rig returned he climbed out and returned his turnout gear to where it belongs. He was behind Bobby heading to the loft when Athena appeared. 

“Athena, What are you doing here?” 

“We came to save you. Someone said you were ordering takeout for dinner.” 

“I did vote for turkey.” Buck laughed and smiled at Bobby. 

“Wait, did she say we?” Eddie asked, following up the stairs confused. 

“MERRY CHRISTMAS!” Everyone’s families yelled as the firefighters came into view. 

Buck stepped aside and let Eddie pass him, smiling weakly as he caught sight of Christopher and Isobel. 

“Christopher? Abuela?” He ran over and embraced them. 

Buck’s eyes watered but he shook his head and went over to Hen and Karen who waved him over. 

“I can’t believe you did this! Thank you Buck!” 

He leaned up and grabbed a sprig of mistletoe. “Well you inspired me. You know, I figured we should all get to immerse ourselves in the magic of Christmas.” 

He held the sprig of mistletoe above them and kissed Hen on the cheek. Exchanging a Merry Christmas with both her and Karen before retreating to a spot by the railing where he could just watch the party. Buck watched everyone for a while, having lost sight of Eddie some time ago. He could feel himself spiraling down but couldn’t stop himself. He jumped as a hand touched his arm.  
“Hey, Woah, It’s just me Evan. You okay.” 

“I’m good, Mads.” 

“You organized this, yet you are hiding by the stairs instead of enjoying it.” 

“Wasn’t sure I’d be invited.” Buck shrugged. 

“Evan, Eddie is your soulmate. Whatever is going on between you two will be fixed. And you know he would never keep you away from Christopher. You deserve to be happy too.” 

“No. I really don’t. I messed it up. Maybe I deserve to suffer for a while.” 

“You have been suffering for months. Maybe it’s time to fill Eddie in on what’s going on?” 

Buck shook his head. “I don’t want anyone’s sympathy. I can handle things myself.” 

“Ev.. Have you been taking your meds?” 

“Shh. God, Maddie. Not so loud. I’ve been skipping doses.” 

“Why?” She looked baffled. 

“On days I work, I don't take the dose because I feel tired and sluggish and I can’t risk anyone’s life. And If I get hurt again it will just prove to Bobby… to Eddie that I shouldn’t be a firefighter anymore. I have to do everything I can to prove to myself and them that I can do this and that I want to do this.” 

“Skipping your antidepressants is not okay. If you feel tired and sluggish the dose could be too high or you could need to try a different medication. You don’t skip them.” 

“Ma-” 

“Antidepressants?” 

Buck froze as Eddie suddenly spoke from behind him. His eyes narrowed accusingly. “You knew he was there.” 

“Well I can see him.”

Buck scoffed as panic filled him and he rushed past Maddie. Practically throwing himself down the stairs to get away. Tears filled his eyes. Eddie was going to leave him for good now. 

“Buck, Wait.” 

Buck ignored Eddie and made it outside before he was grabbed. 

“Stop, Baby, Stop.” 

“No, I can’t do this. I can’t handle you telling me you don’t want to be with me anymore. I can’t handle another person leaving.” 

Buck was suddenly pushed against the wall of the firehouse, Eddie pinning him in a hold Buck wouldn’t be able to escape from. At least not without hurting himself or Eddie in the process. 

“I’m. Not. Leaving. You.” Eddie forced Buck to look at his eyes. “I love you. My name on your wrist shows everyone that you are Mine. Always have been and Always will be. Why wouldn’t you tell me? You should have told me how you were feeling, that you were being prescribed antidepressants.” 

“Why? So you could yell at me again? Tell me to suck it up? Tell me how EXHAUSTING I am? I’ve heard it my entire life. I’ve never been good enough. Why would it be different with you?” 

Buck shoved at Eddie trying to get some leverage to get away. Eddie took it in stride and tightened his grip on Buck. He let his hand land around Buck’s throat forcing Buck to look at him. 

“I should have NEVER said that to you. I didn’t mean it. I was losing my shit. I lost Shannon, then I almost lost you on multiple occasions, then you took up the lawsuit and I felt like you took yourself away from me. Away from Chris. I am sorry. I am so sorry.” 

Buck jerked again, grumbling to himself a bit. “You know it’s really not fair that I’m taller and more muscular and you are able to keep me pinned.” 

“Oh? It’s definitely fair. Gotta be able to make my Baby listen to me somehow. Now, is this why you’ve been pulling away and acting so weird lately? You were hurt and scared of telling me about the medication?” 

Buck nodded. 

“Buck.. Evan, I wish you had just told me. I wanted to fix everything the second I said those things and your pretty blue eyes filled with tears and I watched you physically deflate. That’s why I was coming over to you when I saw the same look upstairs.” 

“I wasn’t sure I was invited to be with you guys and I didn’t really have anyone else to be with.” 

“No matter what happens between us, you will ALWAYS have a place with me and Chris. You will always be invited. Even if things are awkward because we are fighting or aren’t on the same page. Because I know at the end of the day, your name is on my wrist for a reason. We are endgame. Now.. I will spend however long you need making up for everything I did to hurt you. But before we go back in and finish spending what we can with OUR son I want to do something that you have yet to let me do.” 

“What?” 

“I really wanna kiss you. I’ve known about you being my soulmate for so long and I still have yet to get to kiss you.” 

“I really wanna kiss you too.” 

With that Eddie pulled Buck into him allowing their lips to meet for the first time. Buck moaned at the fireworks that exploded behind his eyelids and let Eddie deepen this kiss by allowing him to lick into his mouth. Buck whimpered when Eddie pulled back. 

“As much as I would love to continue this, we are still on shift and we have a son who has yet to be able to give you a hug and a “Merry Christmas”. I promise when we get home tonight we can continue this conversation.”

“Okay. For the record… I love you too.” 

“I know.” Eddie smiled and pulled Buck back inside. Smiling as Buck finally handed Christopher the present he had spent weeks trying to pick out, and as Abuela welcomed him with open Arms, Eddie felt that everything was starting to shift right and fix itself. His two most important people in his life were once again in reach, and the life that had been missing from Buck for the past few weeks was starting to return. 

He had a lot of groveling and making up to do, he knew that. 

But for Buck? He would do anything. 

As long as he got to see that smile, light up the face of the love of his life, again.


End file.
